Chaoter Ten

Chapter 10
The Beginning of the End

By the time Domini left The School of the Madeleine, she was an honor student. Taking no chances on her education, Barbara – through her parents – paid for her to continue in Catholic school at St. Mary’s, where she was given a partial scholarship by the school. This year, she would run for class President.

As they had in the past, Barbara’s parents took a back seat in the rearing of Domini. At some level, they recognized that to take control – which was second nature to Mr. Cormier – was to put another coffin nail in Tisa’s recovery. They still enjoyed their granddaughter and Barbara made certain to keep them in the loop with visits and art shows and school play invitations, but they were largely out of the picture. While this placed the burden of Domini’s future primarily on Barbara’s shoulders, they all agreed that it was probably best for Tisa not to feel that her father had taken up the reigns in getting Domini through this part of her life.

Domini’s mother was now living with a man named Doug, who seemed nice enough, for once --- more than nice. They had a tiny apartment on Alcatraz Street in Berkeley which was clean and well-kept. Doug didn’t drink to excess and he didn’t appear to be a bad influence on her. In fact, Doug had gotten Tisa to agree to start classes at Berkeley City College. There was a pharmacy assistant program at the school and companies like Walgreen’s and Target were hiring. The job had great health benefits and long term potential. Doug was focused on the long term. And Doug was focused on Tisa.

Tisa had met Doug at the Gold while she was cocktailing . . . The second time around. (Tisa’s first stint at the Gold had been cut short: Tisa had dropped some weight and had made it onto the stage, but had been terminated by TC – true to his admonishment – after he found out she was using hard, and more importantly, couldn’t control it. After a brief stint back at The Center, TC had let her back on the cocktail floor, where she had done well for the strippers, but told her never to ask her again to work the runway. “Face it, honey, you’re gettin’ a little long in the tooth for shaking your no-money-maker,” he told her. A cocktail position was all he was willing to give her).

Domini, now 15, was old enough to understand that her mother’s problems were not generally the result of someone else trying to sabotage her, but rather her own inability to pull herself out of her predicament. She also understood that the occasional sleepovers she had with her mother, and the weekly “family” dinners with her mother and Aunt Barbara were as close to a normal family life as she would get with her mom. For better or worse, her dependence on a mother that fit the mold was waning with her age and her social obligations.

In the years she had spent bouncing around, Domini mostly made her peace with her life. But recently, with Doug in the picture, she had begun to feel hopeful about her mother. In the past, those feelings of hope were always short-lived, because Tisa found herself back in rehab or worse, flitting from boyfriend to boyfriend, either staying clean as a dry drunk, or using again, Domini felt that Doug’s presence was the light at the end of a tunnel she’d been waiting a long time to find.

To the extent that anything can be normalized, over the years, Domini had grown accustomed to visiting her mother at The Christian Hand Recovery Center, where Tisa seemed to call home more than any other location. In fact, Domini discovered she was born there during one of her recent visits. Her mother seemed comfortable there and the staff liked Domini, which made Domini feel good about visiting. She even liked some of the old timers there, like Larry, Tisa’s friend, who had taken to calling Domini directly to check on her progress from time to time, and, when her mother wasn’t living at the Center, to check on Tisa’s progress, too. She and Larry could and did talk, even with Barbara’s and Tisa’s blessing. Larry helped Domini understand her mother in ways that no one seemed to be able to do.

Like Domini, Larry had never given up on Tisa. Domini could tell he loved Tisa in his own way, and Larry understood Domini’s love for her mother – no one else seemed to. When Domini did get frustrated, because Tisa lashed out at her, calling her a suck-up or a white girl, or accusing Domini of some sort of betrayal, Larry smoothed out the edges.

“She don’t mean nothin’ by it, Domini,” he would tell her. “That’s her way of telling you she’s sorry she didn’t have a bigger hand in raising you is all.”

“Do you think I’m the reason she keeps backsliding, Larry?” Domini carried with her a fear and some guilt, often perpetuated by Tisa herself, that Tisa’s life would have been different, and decidedly better, if Domini had not been born. Such fear gave rise to a feeling of responsibility for her mother now and in the future. All of Domini’s dreams for herself included a home for her mother, where Tisa would not have to worry about being cared for, and where all her needs would be met. She hated the feeling that she might be responsible for the way Tisa’s life continued to go awry.

“Domini, if anything, you’re the reason she doesn’t backslide more. Tisa loves you and wants to do right by you, but when she gets upset, well, you’re an easy target is all. And she gets upset a lot, because she’s frustrated with her own life and how it’s turning out.”

“I just wish she’d get better. Then we could live together and be a family,” said Domini, holding on to the fantasy. “Do you think she’s better now? Now that she’s living with Doug?”

“Well, only Tisa knows that, Domini. Alls I know is she’ll figure it out one of these days. On her own time frame. We all do, you know. I’m only afraid she ain’t gonna get any really special time with you before you’re off doing your own thing, going to college and all that. And well -- ” his voice trailed off.

“Well what?”

“Well, Domini, this might be a bit hard for you to hear, but I ‘spect someone should say it so here I go.” He took a deep breath and started.

“Well, if you’re right about this Doug character, that he’s giving Tisa what she needs right now, you might have to get more accustomed to sharing the spotlight with Tisa’s affections.”

“What do you mean? Mom’s had plenty of boyfriends before,” said Domini.

“Well, like I say, this one is a little bit different, see. Now that she’s staying clean and she’s been with him for awhile – a long time for her – I think it could be she’ll want to try to hang on to that. So maybe you shouldn’t count on your mother, you know, spending more time with you as things get better. If she thinks Doug is the only man to bring her through this, well, I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Mom has always put me first,” said Domini. “You’re the one who always tells me that.”

“Well, yes, it’s true that she has, but you know, you’re all grown now, child. She don’t need to watch out for you and you don’t need her to. You’re an honor student; and honor student now. You’re on your way. Of course she’s gonna always put you first, but, well, it might be Tisa’s time now, to work on a relationship that will last. Just don’t get discouraged is all, if she don’t pay you no mind.”

Domini was grateful for Larry’s perspective, even if she didn’t always agree with it. His promises weren’t empty and his words weren’t hollow. He helped her find her place in the family and in the world. Barbara would never openly criticize Tisa and Tisa tended to sugar coat her problems to Domini. Larry did his best to tell it like it was. “I’m too old to lie,” he would say. “Besides, it didn’t get me anywhere.”

“Do you think granddad was a bad father?” Domini asked him during one of their heart-to-hearts. Domini spent a good deal of time trying to reconcile the cognitive dissonance she experienced when she was around her grandfather. Mr. Cormier loved Domini as any grandfather loves his grandchild. When she was little, he was patient and kind. As she had gotten older, he was always calling to check in. She loved him greatly, but she knew from Tisa’s stories that he had been a terrible father to her, at least from Tisa’s perspective. Had he changed all that much from the days when Tisa was staying with him? Or was Tisa simply prone to hyperbole, like when she promised Domini a pony, or the myriad other things that Tisa had promised over the years.

“I ain’t never met your granddad,” said Larry in their phone call. “So I can’t say if he was a bad daddy. I don’t think so, though. He just didn’t know how to handle someone as sensitive as his oldest daughter. You know, there’s some of us out there more sensitive than others of us.”

“Mom? Sensitive? Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?” said Domini, somewhat surprised that he would use that term to describe her mother.

“That’s exactly what she is. She’s shy and she’s always been afraid of the world. She wears her feelings on her sleeve, which is why she is so quick to pounce on others. She’s like a porcupine who doesn’t have much bite – she just wants people to leave her alone. Oh, she can sting alright, but your mama don’t have enough power in this world to really take somebody out. That’s the problem. If she could just get herself a little power, she’d be all right. Nah, she’s a porcupine, not a panther.

“The world is a painful place to her. It’s the reason she needs something to escape with – some pain pills or uppers or what not. The strength of this here cocktail of life for some of us is too strong to take sometimes without a little ice.”

“What can I do to make things better,” she asked.

“You can be yourself, little Domini,” said Larry. “You’re just as sweet as you were the day you were born, and that’s all you can be.” Then, he added, “You know, lotta people don’t realize that your mama had a lot of chances to let you go. She was told to put your up for adoption more than once. Then, when your daddy left years ago, she coulda put you up, but she held on to you and cared for you right here in this Center. This ain’t no easy place to raise a child, but she hung in there.”

Domini smiled to hear how selfless her mother was; it was rare that anyone saw what Domini saw. Larry continued. “You know what the first thing she talks about when she’s here is? You! She’s loves her some Domini. You are her heart, girl. Without you, she says, her life would not be worth living.”

Once, when Larry and Domini were having a weekly phone call, he asked her, “Do you know why she named you Domini? Because you were her savior. Now if that ain’t reason enough to love your mama, I don’t know what is.”

Domini was glad Larry saw what others could not. Larry saw what Domini wanted desperately to believe and did believe. It helped her get through the rough patches. She just wanted to have a normal family, like the families her friends came from. They had a mother and a father. They had siblings. They didn’t live with their aunts. If there was some hope that she could have that in her life, she wanted to make it happen.

Sometimes Domini made it happen in her mind, a trick she’d learned when she was little that had not faded with time. She tried desperately to remake bad holidays – where Tisa had been too stoned to show up -- into good ones. She tried to reinterpret her mother’s phrases in a way that would portray Tisa in the best light. She wanted to have a parent who was there for her.

“You got a funny sense of what’s normal, Domini,” said Larry, when she confided in him that she wanted her family to be more like the girls with whom she went to school. “What counts about a family ain’t that they look good on a Christmas card; what counts is that they do right by each other. Plenty of families out there look normal, but there’s bad mojo in their family. Look at your Aunt Barbara. Who could ask for someone better than her?”

It was Barbara who got up early every morning to make Domini’s breakfast and lunch. It was Barbara who took her vacations during Domini’s school breaks so that she could take Domini to museums and plays. Barbara was the “parent” who showed up at Generations Day at school. It was Barbara who went to the school plays; who baked the cookies for the fundraisers; who washed Domini’s track uniform and picked her up from special study events. The daily grind was Barbara’s to endure. She did it without thanks and without any perceived bitterness toward her sister. Of Barbara Larry said, “she’s a saint, pure and simple. That don’t mean your mama is any less of a person. They got different qualities, see. Barbara, she’s steady, like a rock. Your mama, she’s a free spirit. She’s gonna go out big.”

Larry had a way of describing people that cut through to their essence, and Domini looked forward to speaking with him because he managed to relieve some of Domini’s psychic struggle with the way things were with Tisa. His way of telling the truth seemed to resonate with Domini. Most importantly, Larry could tell the truth without demonizing her mother.

Larry described Tisa to Domini as an orchid: fragile, fickle, and under perfect conditions, breathtakingly beautiful in a way that could touch your soul. An orchid like Tisa was never built to take the weight of the world weather-beating her. But the world recognizes only Darwin’s theories, and orchids rarely thrive sitting on the back porch of someone’s house or growing wild in some vacant lot. Orchids had to be protected, tended to, cared for, talked to, loved, and understood by their caretakers to need more attention than the other plants in the garden. No one would ask an orchid to be an oak tree, Larry said, but that was exactly what people were trying to do with Tisa.

Barbara, Larry said, was a rose.

“Roses they love abuse. You can put a rose out in your yard surrounded by Ivy and rosemary and all kinda plants. You can forget to water that girl for weeks; you can forget to turn the water off and leave her drowning. You can take that rose and do just about anything you want to it, and it still comes out lookin pretty good. That is your Aunt Barbara.” She had been made to take the toughest punishment and still come through. If you looked at the sisters in this respect, Larry said, everything became clear.

Larry had some years ago acknowledged that Tisa would never quite make it in the same way that other people did. She needed help for everything, including raising a child. That’s why she had called in Barbara. Doing so didn’t make her a bad person or a bad mother; in fact, it made her a good mother to know her limitations; at least the way Larry saw it. Domini shouldn’t take it personally that Tisa could not attend to Domini’s needs day in and day out. Rather, Domini should appreciate that Tisa had done Domini a great service by realizing her limitations and allowing someone like Barbara in to help.

“And now that Doug is in the picture, you might have to cut her some more slack. Just remember that she loves you, even if she don’t always express it. Doug is her lifeline right now and with orchids, well, a lotta times they only get one chance to blossom.

Tisa knew she was an orchid, even if others mistook her for a thorny rose. For Domini, whether it was true or not, it made Domini feel good to know her mother was a good woman, deserving of a better world. Domini hoped that Doug could be the start of that world and that whatever Larry was alluding to would not come to fruition.

Doug had certainly guided her toward a real career, which was more than any other boyfriend or person had done. Tisa was going back to school to be a pharmacy assistant, she announced one week at dinner. This was especially good news to Domini who found it difficult to tell her classmates that her mother worked at the Solid Gold Club. When her friends asked, Domini told people that she worked in the hospitality industry, as a waitress, but the vagueness of her response always gave rise to suspicions that Domini was not being completely forthcoming. There was no shame, however, in a mother who was in school. Domini began to place her hopes in Doug’s influence.

Doug was the latest of Tisa’s men. He didn’t smell, his clothes fit, he was polite, he had more than beer in his refrigerator. He had begun showing up at dinners with Barbara and Domini, at Tisa’s request. He was the first of the men who entered and exited Tisa’s world to make any overture of wanting to be part of her family, and the first man Tisa ever brought to dinner more than once.

In the beginning, Doug was quiet and polite, preferring to listen to the women engage in their conversations. Over time, he began to talk about himself in response to questions from Barbara and Domini. Doug had big plans for himself and for Tisa. They had been together 4 months. In Domini’s memory, it was the longest stint her mother ever had with a man. She had even moved her clothes out of the collapsible cardboard box set of drawers she used, and put them in his wooden bureau.

Barbara and Tisa knew Doug had met Tisa at The Gold. He had come in on a construction crew for a birthday celebration, and Tisa had been his waitress. He appreciated the fact, he said, that Tisa was a waitress and not a stripper: showed she had some integrity, he said. Tisa never disclosed her brief and unsuccessful time on the runway. As far as she was concerned, it was old news and not worth repeating. Someday she might tell him about it; and she might tell him about the relapses, and the Christian Hand Recovery Center. But not today. For the time being, she was a cocktailer at the Gold who he found quiet and reserved.

After TC had given Tisa her job back, she had become more subdued. The runway, as Maxine predicted, had not been the cash cow Tisa had hoped. Not only did the younger girls move faster and with more energy, but they got bigger tips. Men threw bills at them faster than they could pick them up.

During the few weeks she managed to hang on to the pole, she never once got asked to perform as a private dancer, where the cash flew with abandon. And though the cocktailers did their best to give her equal lap time, their incentive was the tips they got and frankly, Tisa wasn’t bringing them in. If she hadn’t been fired for her drug use, she would have been relegated to Tuesday lunch shifts or some such other slow day. The skin game was a young woman’s game.

For reasons Tisa could not fully understand, her fellow co-workers seemed not to care about her failure on the pole. Coming back they treated her no differently, and were happy to have her selling lap dances again. The girls even protected her, to the extent that was possible, from herself, making sure she was keeping clean, despite the drug emporium happening around her. Maxine even took her to a few NA meetings. Tisa was not a frequent visitor, but neither was she resistant any longer to the possibility that there might be a better way to run her life, and that there might be people in the world actually smarter than she was.

Tisa’s attitude change was born more of practical thinking than enlightenment. At some level, she still believed the best way to get ahead was to put oneself in a position to get a good man. The problem was just that she was running out of time.

Prior to meeting Doug, Tisa had figured her days on the outside were numbered. She was fresh out of rehab and had, at least in her mind, fully exhausted her possibilities and prospects, at least if she was going to try to get clean. Even Larry was not hopeful that she could survive any more relapses. And the state was tired of spending money on her. They had threatened that any future relapses might not simply get her another stint at the Center, but rather a nice room in the county jail. Except for a brief few hours in a holding cell a few years back when she had been arrested for disorderly conduct at a Fuddrucker’s, she’d never spent any time in jail. She was quite certain, however, that it wasn’t going to be the country club she’d come to know at The Christian Hand Recovery Center. She had to do something and with no man on the horizon, she started listening and thinking.

There was only Tisa left in Tisa’s life. Tisa, and the girls at the Gold, who were only too happy to offer advice if they were asked. Tisa hadn’t noticed before. Through them, and in particular through Maxine, Tisa began to understand that there was no quick fix to her predicament and no sugar-coating who she was any longer. She might have learned it that day 14 years ago when she and Larry were playing the Lawyer Game and the man who walked by saw her as nothing more than a junkie. She might have learned it through her various job interviews. She might have learned in standing with her court appointed attorney as he attempted to get her treatment instead of jail time. But she saw it clearly now: Tisa was a junkie. She worked at a strip club where she had been a failed stripper; her sister was raising Tisa’s daughter; and she had no reason to believe that her life would change any time soon. With the threat of jail looming, she had one final opportunity to stay clean. Her daughter, now well into her teens, was quickly growing up, and in the past 15 years, Tisa had done very little to bring them closer. This was it and it had to change.

No longer able to hide her past from her fellow employees, she had lost her power over them; she was no better than they were. They never seemed to care either way, but Tisa cared. Being lower than a stripper gave her a humility that The Center and the courts had never managed to achieve. She kept her head down, tried to be kind, and worked the tables so that the women who were still bringing in the dust on the runway would shake a little down to her. It was then that Doug came into her life.

Doug admitted to Barbara and Domini at one of their weekly dinners that it was Tisa’s beauty and grace that had first grabbed his attention. She was gorgeous, he said, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He had begun coming by The Gold, just after his shift, to visit with her. He never stayed, instead popping in just long enough to see when her shift was over, so he could take her for coffee. In the beginning, she was resistant, especially since his only offer to her was coffee, but he had gotten through to her over time. Besides, she wasn’t taking men up any longer on their offers to grab a smoke or a snort: acknowledging an addiction meant you couldn’t rationalize a little partying here and there. Coffee was safe..

Initially, Tisa had other concerns, too. Doug worked construction, which had been a little too “blue collar” for Tisa. She wanted someone who was a businessman, a guy in a nice suit and a pair of Stacy Adams shoes, who could take her to dinner at places she could be seen. He looked like a grease monkey and his taste in coffee houses was always tempered by his budget for the month; usually, they ended up at some local diner. Maxine stepped in to remind Tisa that most of her boyfriends who claimed to be businessmen were nothing but hustlers, mostly living off scams and government paychecks, or worse, living off of her. At least this one had a real job.

So Tisa let him visit and eventually, coffee turned to dinner. Dinner became dinner and a movie. Tisa didn’t care for the fact that Doug was not forthcoming with bits of jewelry or other tokens of semiprecious affection, but she had nothing better going, and he didn’t abuse her or demand sex when she wasn’t interested. Tisa was also smart enough to hold on, at least for a little while, to a man’s attention if he was doing right by her. For Tisa, it was a perfectly fine relationship. For him, it was love.

It wasn’t long before – at least according to Doug – he realized this was someone he could really build a life with.

Although his life was regimented and budgeted, Doug paid for the occasional dinner with Barbara and Domini. It was the first time that Tisa was treating them and always an impressive show. Doug didn’t do it often: it wasn’t part of the plan. He explained to Domini that he liked the fact that Tisa was an independent woman. He thought her willingness to do what it took to make ends meet (even if it meant working at The Gold) showed a special drive and an inner strength. After all, The Gold was clearly beneath a woman who had been accepted to Hayward State (a small lie on Tisa’s part); he was sorry she had to stop because of her mother’s illness (a bigger lie on Tisa’s part). And naturally, because she’d had a bad reaction to some pills, had decided to give custody of her only child to Barbara (a slightly bigger lie). It was all so commendable that she would do anything to support her family, even work at a strip club so that Domini would have all the money she needed for private school.

He recognized The Solid Gold Club for what it was and didn’t criticize her decision to work there; after all, she could bring in a good bit more there than at the local Denny’s down the street. Didn’t they all agree? In short, he said, he had found a beautiful woman who had a few hard knocks, but was willing to do what it took to better herself.

In order to make sure that Domini didn’t suffer financially, Doug announced one day, and to make sure she had enough money for whatever she needed, Doug had invited Tisa to give up her tiny studio and move in with him. Together, he said, they could go places.

For her part, Domini liked Doug. She hoped her mother loved him as much as he obviously loved her. If nothing else, Doug supported Domini’s no-so-secret dream that her mother’s life could have a fairy tale ending that would put them all in a home somewhere with a backyard and a dog. That alone should be enough for Tisa, whose entire existence could fit into three plastic garbage bags and a small cardboard dresser.

But there were other things to like about him, too, like his appearance and his kindness. Even Barbara had mentioned, cautiously, that she thought he might be the first stable force in her life in years. Barbara remarked to Tisa that she had noticed a real change in her overall demeanor. Larry, who’d only been told about Doug through Domini and who generally did not like Tisa relying on men to get her through her life, thought this one sounded like a keeper, but he reminded Domini that her life might not improve with Doug’s presence.

Doug had plans for the two of them and he was not going to let his early life of hard knocks keep him down. He had been working at a filling station for the past 5 years, and over time had gotten to know the owner very well. It started as part time work on Saturdays, when he wasn’t working construction. Over time, he had begun working nights to help the man out. The owner had no children and so had made a deal with Doug to turn over the gas station within 5 years to him. All they had to do was work out the retirement plan, which amounted to a monthly income for the man instead of a flat buyout. That was fine for Doug, who couldn’t have afforded the place anyway. It was a win-win for everyone and it was Doug’s ticket out of low-level construction jobs. The owner was showing him the ropes. Soon, Doug would quit construction all together. An honest day’s work, Doug said, was going to get him somewhere.

Tisa had never had anyone properly support her in her drive to better herself, Doug said, but those days were over. Now was the time to get Tisa in to school, while he was a manager. He was making good enough money that if she needed to quit her job, he could support her while she studied. Then, with any luck, she’d be a pharmacy assistant in 3 years and they’d be on their way. He had already started saving for a house -- $15.00 a week was all he could afford, but it was a start – and he was sure if they kept their noses to the grindstone, they could grab a piece of the American dream. Domini watched his enthusiasm. It was infectious. It was perfect.

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Domini felt comfortable going over to her mother’s house. Other men she’d spent time with had been creepy in one way or another. Some were dirty and slovenly and kept a home in similar condition. Others were just out of it, lounging in a chair and staring at her in a funny way. Still others wanted to lecture her like they were her father. The men in Tisa’s life were why Barbara had never encouraged dinners hosted by Tisa: you never knew what you’d get.

The unrest that Domini had felt all these years about her mother’s security was beginning to wane. With Doug, she felt a sense of calm that her mother would finally be alright. It was as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders that allowed her to focus with greater intensity and joy on school and friends.

The night that Doug revealed his plans to Barbara and Domini, she confided in Barbara that she was really grateful for Doug’s presence in her mother’s life. Barbara was noticeably quiet in her response.

“What, you don’t like Doug?” asked Domini.

“No, I like Doug just fine, Domini. I just don’t want you or anyone else to get their hopes up about him. We don’t know him just yet and I don’t know how Tisa feels about him.”

“Well, mom’s starting school because of him,” said Domini in his defense. “And she’s not at The Center. That’s progress.”

“Those are all great things,” said Barbara. “I’m really hoping this works out for Tisa. But it’s a long way from being a done deal. School sign-ups are two months away. That’s a long time. Let’s just see how things turn out, first before we start considering Doug to be the second coming. I like him, I really do; I just don’t want to see you hurt, Domini.”

“Mom was right about you,” said Domini. “You’re just like grandpa. You don’t want her to succeed. You want her to fail.:”


“I’m sorry you think that, Domini. Nothing could be further from the truth. What happens if Doug turns out to be a bad guy? Or worse, what happens to your mom if the two of them fall out? I know it’s hard to understand, but I don’t want your relationship with your mom to suffer if things don’t work out between her and Doug,” Barbara offered a weak smile. Tisa walked to her room, closed her door, and flung herself on her bed.

Domini had spent the better part of her life conflicted about her sister’s and her mother’s roles, and their relationship to her. Even Larry’s descriptions didn’t help. On the one hand, Barbara had always taken care of her and had never said an unkind word about Tisa to Domini. Barbara had made sure Domini had a place to stay, food to eat, and clothes to wear. Barbara had always shown up to every parent-teacher event to which she was asked, and had stayed home to do homework or bake cookies or help Domini get her lines straight for the school play. When she needed someone, Barbara had been there.

On the other, Barbara was so different from her mother that her very existence made Domini feel that everything her mother represented was wrong in life, a feeling that she could not reconcile with the love she maintained for Tisa. If one of them was right, then the other had to be wrong. And she could not fathom that her mother was completely wrong. So this had to work.

“You gotta forgive your sister, too, sometimes,” said Larry, pursuant to a phone call from Domini about Tisa’s update and Barbara’s response to it. “Remember that your aunt done put her life on hold, waitin’ for your sister to get better. That was 8 years ago, child. She got a right to be skeptical.”

“Nobody asked her to do it. If she didn’t want to take care of me, she didn’t have to.”

“It ain’t never that easy, Domini. Family don’t turn its back on family. Besides, you owe your auntie a ration of gratitude. I know you never asked to be born, but child, you got chances you wouldn’t of never had without Barbara. You need to recognize that. Let’s just see how things unfold.”

True to her promise, Tisa enrolled in the evening Pharmacy Assistant program at Berkeley City College. TC and the girls at The Gold were only too happy to let her work the day shifts to accommodate her schedule, especially since the day shifts invariably yielded smaller tips than the evening shifts. She also cut back to 3 days a week, making her overlap with school only one day. Doug picked up the slack. He also made certain that she studied. More like a father sometimes than a boyfriend, he asked to see her homework when he came home from the night shift. Frequently, she hadn’t completed it. By the end of the first quarter, she was forced to drop two of her three classes and she took a C in the only class she did manage to keep. Doug was patient. Domini was less so.

“A leopard don’t change its spots overnight,” said Larry. “For her to even show up to class, that’s miracle in my book. I don’t know, but I’m guessing she wasn’t a real student when she was in high school to begin with. This is your opportunity to give her that help you been wantin’ to give her.”

“What do you mean?” Domini asked.

“Well, last time we talked you said you made the honor roll. Seems like you do know how to study, right? So you might could maybe give her some tips?”

“I could do that,” Domini said excitedly. “I could help my mom!”

“Yes, I do think that you could, Domini. But don’t help too much now. Remember what we talked about with Doug and all.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, see, this is hard, Domini,” said Larry, pausing for a brief time on the phone. “See, the thing is, you helpin’ your mom is a great thing, and I’m glad you’re excited to do it. Remember, though, that this here relationship she’s got with Doug is the most important thing that she’s got going.”

“But that’s why I want to help her. Don’t you remember it was Doug who wanted her to go to school. If I can help her to do go, that will help her hold on to her man and that will be good for them,” said Domini.

“I know it seems that way, darlin’, and I know you want to help, and I want you to help. See, it’s like this: You’re almost all grown now. I know you don’t think so, but really, you’re closing in on 16, and you have your own life now. Your mama will always love you, but you don’t need raisin’ by her no more. She’s on her way to worrying about herself, now, and she sees Doug as the only thing she’s got to save her. Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in the way of that, not even her daughter.

“The best way to help, is to come over and study with her when he’s not home, or maybe write some things down for her. Don’t hurt her pride, now. Let her be the mama. Just let her know you know it’s been a long time since she was in school, you know, and that you might could give her some tips is all.”

Domini was her mother’s daughter. She didn’t like this criticism of her mother, especially coming from the one man she had always counted on to bolster Tisa’s self-image. Her mother would never abandon her for some man and she told him that.

“Oh, honey, I’m not saying that she don’t love you no more; And I’m not even saying that she’s a bad person. The Lord knows we all need someone to lean on. You got to understand it from her perspective. She’s had a hard life and as much as she’s tried to do right and make it and get comfortable, well, she’s had a hard life. Doug, here, well, she’s not young no more, see. So, I just don’t want you to feel bad, you know, if she tells you that you’re spending too much time around the place. Doug is her first priority in a way. I know that sounds tough, but don’t be hard on your mama. Just help her the way you know you can.”

Domini knew how the world worked, and it didn’t work that way. Her mother would not forsake her for some man. Her mother had spent her life trying to get Domini to move in with her; it wouldn’t make any sense now to have Tisa turn Domini’s extra visits away. Best of all, Domini would be helping her mother with her schoolwork. No sooner had she hung up the phone did she call her mother.

“How about a study group?” She was exited to help Tisa in a way that would further her goals. It was the perfect solution for both of them, Domini explained, because it would give them more time together. “I could come over and see you after school on the days when I don’t have practice. Then we could study together, you know, and maybe you could even test me a little bit and I could test you.”

Tisa was silent on the other end.

“Mom, don’t you think that’s a good idea?”

“Domini, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but your mama don’t need no help from her daughter. I think I know how to study. I’m in college, not high school.”

“No, I know, mom,” said Domini, still hopeful, “I was just thinking that we could study together, you know, at the same time. And maybe it would give us a chance to spend some time together, just the two of us.”

“Yeah, OK, you can come over. But you need to leave by 9. Doug comes home and 9 and he don’t need you to be here, know what I mean?”